Kiite Koiki - On Changing The World One Step At A Time
Interviewed by Munirah Yaqoub
According to Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, a Non-Governmental Organization in the United States of America, 1 in 9 girls and 1 in 53 boys under the age of 18 have experienced sexual abuse at the hands of an adult. Accurate statistics on sexual violence are nearly impossible to obtain because most cases go unreported, but chances are you’ve met at least 30 people who have been sexually harassed and assaulted. In this interview, we speak with Kiite Koiki, a data consultant who when she’s not killing it in the tech world is teaching kids about personal and sexual boundaries one consent class at a time.
M: Please tell us about yourself.
Kiite: I’d describe myself as a thinker, planner, and doer. I am interested in sustainability, women’s rights, and making the world a better place for many people. I’m also interested in clean technology and using data to improve people’s lives. In general, I want the world to be a better place, and I need to play a small or wide-reaching role in making that happen, both professionally and in terms of social justice.
M: Can we delve a bit into each of the things you just said? Tell us a bit more about them.
Kiite: In terms of clean technology and sustainability, I studied mechanical engineering and completed a Master’s degree in renewable energy. This is because I wanted to see where we could improve our lives by leveraging our available resources to provide solutions, particularly in Nigeria, where the power situation is dire. I returned home, eager to help change the country (haha). I completed my NYSC in a Nigerian Electricity Distribution Company, which provided an insight into the country’s current power structure, the reasons and problems with the layout, and potential solutions to such issues. I feel like, in the future, because I am not currently doing anything energy-related, I would like to go into that too because I believe the amount of pollution we generate from everything we burn is not rational. Our air quality continues to deteriorate, and something needs to be done.
Concerning social justice, I have always been taught to care about people since I can remember. To the point where I can’t buy something for myself without also purchasing another in case someone else wants it. My mother always took us to orphanages, and we used to make yearly donations to them. I’d give my feminist background to my mother because she’s a big “I’ll do whatever I want” type of person, and because I had that example, I didn’t grasp how many limitations women had growing up. Going to different secondary schools and seeing people from various backgrounds has made me realize how different our realities are. I knew that if I grew up believing that I had the power to do whatever I wanted regardless of my gender, then a lot of other people could as well, which is what drew me to feminism, which brings us to the Hands-Off Initiative. I don’t like adults (haha) because they are already formed, and it is difficult to change their already established perspectives. However, children in their formative years are purer and are always looking for someone who understands and can relate to them. I began volunteering with Hands-Off to educate children about sexual consent. That is especially important to me because I believe it is not discussed enough. I don’t recall being explicitly told about it when I was younger, and that’s the reality for most of us. As a result, many people learn what they know through hearsay. I recall having conversations with my male friends who said someone older had told them that it was okay to spike a girl’s drink to make her hornier. If there are no conversations about consent and what constitutes appropriate behavior, people, including children, will continue to believe that such behavior is acceptable, which it is not. These conversations are critical for enlightening children about themselves, teaching them about personal boundaries, and generally making their lives better
Finally, I work as a data consultant. Presently, I’m doing some business/data analysis and data engineering. These are just fancy words to say that the game is to examine clients’ data and provide them with the ability to make authentic and better decisions based on the data. For example, the Spotify wrapped, some people said, “Oh, I didn’t like this song that much,” but you had it on repeat based on your data, so you can’t deny that it’s your data. Sometimes we make assumptions and don’t realize it until we thoroughly examine the situation.
M: Thank you so much. Let’s go a bit into Hands-Off Initiative. What’s your role there, and what has your experience been since you started working?
Kiite: I am currently the Head of Outreaches. I am in charge of training volunteers, planning outreaches, and ensuring that their principals or guardians are open to the idea. In terms of my experience, I don’t believe I’ve seen anything that I wasn’t already aware of, but seeing it firsthand always gives you a clearer perspective and makes me realize that we still have a long way to go. Thank God, we’ve also come a long way. I haven’t visited a school where the kids have no idea what we’re talking about, and that’s because people are making more of an effort to educate kids about these issues these days. We prefer to attend government or public schools because they have fewer amenities. I’m always glad because the children are so bright and always responsive.
We also discovered that, without a well-structured infrastructure, it is challenging to address the issue of violent sexual assault. For example, when we went to a school in Ibadan, we had these anonymous forms that we gave to the children at the end of the outreach. One of them wrote that her friend was being abused by her stepfather, but he threatened to kick her out and stop paying her school fees if she reported it. It was anonymous so, we could not locate the author. We spoke with the Vice Principal, brought back the specific class we had spoken with, and attempted to compare handwritings, but we couldn’t find them. The report appeared to have been written in different handwriting. When you come from a low-income family, your mother is financially dependent on your father, or you don’t have anyone to talk to, and you don’t want to drop out of school, it can be tough to navigate problems like this. We also had a situation in another school where we discovered that someone was being abused and had to refer them to another NGO for assistance or the time someone was stalked.
There are honestly many different stories that you’d hear and struggle to understand because they’re just children. We went to a school where 10/11-year-olds asked us if they could get pregnant because they hadn’t gotten their periods yet or if they were still virgins despite being raped, which brings me to another point. Religious teaching can harm how people perceive themselves because virginity is so important to these girls that they feel worthless without it. Religious principles and society have tied a girl’s virtue and self-worth to her virginity, and the fear of losing that virginity can be disastrous. Obviously, after being assaulted, your self-worth is already shaky, and losing your “sacred” virginity makes them feel even worse about themselves. We then try to persuade them that just because they are no longer virgins does not automatically make them terrible or worthless people. It’s tough to unlearn religious teachings, especially when everyone around you believes the same thing. I remember going to a school where we had just finished teaching them consent, and the next set of speakers came from this religious organization, and they were doing the whole “abstain, sex is the devil” thing. We stood there while these people undid all our hard work.
In general, it’s giving children a better understanding of ways to deal with social issues they may face. It’s in secondary school you start interacting with people of the opposite sex and experiencing things that are part of rape culture (victim blaming, slut shaming, etc.). We live in a society where you don’t have to be assaulted to be slut shamed or victim-blamed. So, it’s critical to teach them how to deal with such situations. We’ve received positive feedback from all of the schools we’ve visited, so I believe that in our small corner of the world, we’ve had an impact on them, which makes me happy. In the future, we would like to do more outreach. Because of the lockdown, operations have been slow recently, but we hope to do more next year. We also hope to expand our services to include counselling and medical care for victims of sexual assault. We also hope to collaborate with the police because changing the system from the outside is difficult, which is why I believe the government is responsible for the majority of the work. Private individuals and non-governmental organizations (NGOs) can only do so much, which amounts to a drop in the ocean when the system is against them. We need police who will listen to you and follow up on the case. Also, child services that will remove a child from such a situation and ensure that they are cared for, and put in good institutions, else we will continue to have children who are suffering from circumstances about which they are unable to speak. Generally, the experience has been both enlightening and devastating.
M: Oh my! I was going to ask what moment has stuck with you through your volunteering journey but, you’ve already mentioned a lot. Moving on, besides work and volunteering, who is Kiite Koiki?
Kiite: I like to have fun. I once gave myself a tag line; “learning, enjoyment and excellence”. I need to enjoy myself. I like to play games with friends, dancing and go out (South on Fridays, if you’re in Lagos, you know it’s a vibe). Generally, a party girl, you know.
M: How have family and friends shaped the way you are?
Kiite: Growing up, my parents’ used communication as a parenting style. My father didn’t hold the autonomy of power in my eyes. He always said that whatever decision you make, make sure it’s the best decision for you. He gave me the freedom to choose. So, I’ve never felt inferior to any man. I have never experienced any dynamic that made me feel subservient to a man. My mum and her sisters are all fiery and about their business. So, I think that that is the beginning of my general politics in life — be good, do good to others, and everything will be fine.
My friends, as well as my brother, are also exceptionally amazing people. I remember watching one of my friends, Chimamanda’s (yes, Chimamanda and Beyoncé are also my friends, haha) video, “We Should All Be Feminists” a million times and making sure my brother did as well. Being surrounded by reasonable people has shaped my worldview, making it easier to refute outlandish theories. I also adore women, particularly the women in my life. I believe that my parents, particularly my mother, celebrities I admire (again, Chimamanda and Beyoncé are my friends), hands-off and work have all shaped the person I am today. At work, every member of my team is a woman, and we work in technology, which is a male-dominated field, but we get the job done despite the stereotypes.
M: Aww, so sweet. Last question, what are your hopes for the future?
Kiite: I want to see a shift in the government’s mindset that moves the country forward. I also want to see the globe’s poverty levels reduced because it disproportionately affects women and children. Women and children are subjected to additional trauma during wars and poverty. I would also like to see a society where men and women have equal opportunities to succeed. I recall one anecdote from a school where a girl stated that she didn’t know what she wanted to study at university and didn’t think she would eventually go because her parents would prefer to send her brother to university instead. There is a lack of opportunities for girls to be their best selves.
I want Nigeria to improve, but I’ll go first and return when Nigeria improves. It’s not my ideal situation because I like Nigeria, other countries are cold, but things don’t look promising. I’d also like to advance professionally while also adding value to whatever group or team I’m working with. Ultimately, I want to be a value adder in all aspects of my life — work, friendships, and family.
M: This was really insightful. Thank you so much for your time.
To know more about Hands-Off Initiative and how you can support it, visit their website: https://www.handsoffinitiative.org and book a consent class or two.